Normal Day 17 -- 143

According to this study, fasting 36 hours did not induce people to overeat on the subsequent day in order to compensate. Their motivation to eat was higher after fasting but it returned to baseline levels after eating breakfast. That's kind of what I was saying yesterday or trying to say yesterday. When I measure how much I want to eat and the change I feel after finally breaking the fast ... it isn't really that great of a difference. When you look at it that way the compulsion to eat isn't overwhelming while fasting. It's not that unbearable.

Breakfast: lentil minestrone soup -- again

Lunch: whole wheat couscous with dried cherries and sliced almonds, boca sausage

Snack: air popped popcorn with nutritional yeast

Dinner: 1 recipe crumbles taco with cheese, hot sauce, whole wheat tortilla, black olive, lettuce and jalapeno

We went for a short 20 minute walk this evening. It's cold outside again. We got my son the game Rock Band for Christmas. It's a lot of fun. My son played the guitar and I sang like a dying cat. Now if we can just get my boyfriend to play the drums.

Which reminds me, today is the one year anniversary of my darling Smokey's passing from gum cancer. He was 14 years old and the love of my life. I never would have believed that anyone could be so attached to a cat. I still cry -- this morning even -- because I miss him dearly. He followed me everywhere and loved to sit on top of my old monitor. At night he climbed under the covers and slept beside me. He sat on the back of the sofa when we watched the telly. He loved to climb up on my shoulder and dance with me when I listened to music. When he was hungry he would go to the cupboard, open the door and let it bang shut to get my attention. When I was afraid he sensed it and would come running from wherever he was and comfort me. Now that spot next to me is empty, when I cry no one comes running, no gentle purring beside me. I bought a flat panel monitor after he died and put the old monitor away. I had him cremated and keep his ashes beside my bed. But how can I know that they are truly his ashes and not something they scraped out of an ashtray? He lives in my heart and in my dreams. Last night I dreampt he was playing with Precious -- a stray cat that I had when Smokey first came home to live with me. I love you Smokey -- I miss you deeply. I wish we had more time together.